Maybe Reddit can help me figure out this conundrum. Internet speeds slow too a crawl when downloading on Steam, but...
When I log onto WoW the download speeds resume to normal. It really doesn't make any sense.
submitted by Imnolongerlurking
I feel like crap today, so I guess I'll introduce myself.
I'm a 33 year old female in the Midwest US. I don't know how much I weigh exactly, but I'm probably like 158-173kg/350-380lbs/25-28st. I haven't owned a scale in almost 10 years, after developing self destructive and bulimic tendencies during my first attempt at extreme weight loss. I threw out my scale and have refused to own one since. The mental hell I went through during that time really turned me off to weight loss because I scare myself. I didn't know I was capable of what I became.
I usually stomp down all my body/self esteem issues. I have deep traumas regarding my weight, so I tend to avoid thinking about it. I also know I'm capable of getting obsessed with weight loss to a very unhealthy degree (see above), so I avoid thinking about weight to prevent my mind from getting into an overly critical, mean, and aggressive state towards myself.
Please note: I'm in therapy, but I have a lot of other things I talk about in my weekly 50 minute appointments, so it just hasn't come up (I've been under the care of a clinical psychologist for 1.5 years.) I'd really prefer no unsolicited mental health advice regarding this; it just felt worth sharing for the sake of introduction.
Anyway, I'm not on a weight loss journey currently. I'm nowhere near mentally ready for it. But I do want to find the right support... which is something I currently lack. I'm very isolated and have very few friends, none of whom are particularly close to me - so I can't rely on them as a good support system. And I definitely can't rely on my family. They've been part of the trauma, and they're saboteurs of my attempts to lose weight... even though they say they're worried about me. It's a conundrum that frustrates the hell out of me sometimes.
I guess I'm here mostly so I don't feel so alone. I need people to interact with who know what it's like to be severely overweight - not people who maybe just need to lose 30 or 40 pounds. I find those people difficult to relate to. I'm hoping I can find some supportive friends who know the struggle of being so big. Bonus points for people who've lived with obesity virtually all their lives.
I don't know how to wrap this up. I'm just really lonely and feeling like crap today, so I just wanted to ping out to the vast darkness of the internet to see if anyone receives, I guess.
submitted by DoomedSpinster