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Fleeing a DV situation, posted about it on JustNoSO, was told maybe people here could help me? [NY state (not city)]
Hi everyone, I posted on /JustNoSO/
earlier today to update them on my domestic violence situation with my husband. I let them know that after more than 20 years of abuse and manipulation, I'm leaving and bringing my daughter with me after speaking to police and some bad times at home. The details are in the post over there, which I would invite anyone to read to get perspective if they are compelled to help or comment here - I know that the first thing a lot of people say to me is "you must like it if you were there so long" and that's heartbreaking and just so very untrue. And that's part of why I wasn't going to post to ask for help, because I know this is the internet and I need thick skin but I just don't have it, and words can hurt. But it's not just for me, it's for my daughter as well, because we will need some basic food staples and household supplies and I don't have any close family or friends who can help more than they already have offered to (the one internet friend who lives far away is paying my moving expenses, and my one and only local friend is going to help with the physical labor, for example).
So Some lovely people over there suggested I just post a link here to my story and include my registry that I have at walmart.com (I started it as a list for myself so I could just order each thing I need as I make the money for it, so there's more stuff on there than I would ever expect anyone to buy FOR me, please don't think I'm greedy or asking for much, I swear this is the last thing I ever thought I'd be doing and I double dog swear that I'll pay it forwards and backwards every way I can in the future just as soon as I'm able).
So I guess here's my story - https://old.reddit.com/JustNoSO/comments/d3owal/you_all_probably_dont_remember_me_been_laying_low/?st=k0idi8py&sh=9535912c
(some other links are included in the thread by the bot over there, from past times I've posted over there)
and here's the walmart wish list, www.walmart.com/lists/view-events-registry-items?id=6b1074f9-c986-4a06-9fe2-9ff3d1dfe82a
which again I know seems like a lot but honestly I made it for myself and so everything on there is the cheapest version of stuff, I do shop smart. There's like $8 bag of rice and $2 ramen noodles (that came up as saying $40?? I'll delete that if I can't fix it) and $12 big box of garbage bags, very normal stuff on there, not warehouse sized containers of expensive things or anything, I promise. I don't know if anyone would be willing or able to help me out or not, but I'll definitely send photos of the stuff I receive from the inside of the new apartment once we're over there. I jsut don't want my daughter to come to a new place where it's nothing but sleeping bags on the floor and empty cabinets. I'm working here to get together what I can, and safe is safe no matter what, and we will have clean water so no worries there... but .. yeah. Sorry for even asking. :( and thank you for reading. *Edited Saturday to say- I'm removing the rest of the food items from the walmart wish list and adding them to amazon instead if I can, since so many people are having issues with walmart. Thank you so much for trying! I've left a few items on the walmart list that are much better priced there than amazon though. *
edit - as I'm adding food items to the list, some things are coming up to say "no longer available online" so I'm deleting those, as they're just empty placeholders with no pictures and I don't even know what was there. I guess since I was putting cheap sale stuff on there in some cases, they sold out. But I did set the list to keep everything showing even if it's been purchased already. I'm not trying to hide anything! <3
Edit2- here's the Amazon list for people asking for one - thanks so much. <3 https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2MF0NLFQ6M3UT?ref_=wl_share Edit 3/Saturday morning, the 14th -
So I wanted to let everyone know that I did end up removing items that have been purchased or marked as purchased from both lists at the suggestion and request of people within the comments here. I guess it's not easy for people who want to help to be able to see what was already bought? I'm not sure, I never used wish lists or registrys before. Also, people are having a hard time with the walmart gift card option and I was hoping someone who has done it can post a top level comment talking everyone else through how to do it, if possible? Thank you all so much for all of the help and advice. I will mention that I don't get my keys until Monday so anything that is arriving tomorrow/Sunday (that's the soonest anyone said anything is arriving) is going to be a little bit challenging for me to deal with. I didn't realize I would get all this help and it never occurred to me that I would have to address that, I'm so sorry! I did "opt out of weekend deliveries" in my Amazon account settings just this morning but I'm unsure if that will catch everything in time. LATE SATURDAY UPDATE:
Landlord gave me a key today so I could bring the stuff that's starting to arrive right into the apartment, so no worries about deliveries anymore. :)
Thank you all so so much for all of the kind words and advice. I appreciate it more than hopefully anyone else will ever need to know, if that makes sense. I can't wait to be able to post back with pictures of the place and what we have been receiving. It's the best Christmas I've had as an adult, even though it's happening in September. <3 <3 much love and thanks to you all, you marvelous humans! DELIVERY UPDATE ONE (Saturday, September14):
Whomever sent the bagged cat food and assorted food staples including the pretzels from Walmart, they arrived just now but they came to my marital address, oops! because of a mistake I made in the first 15 minutes or so of having this thread up - THANK YOU for being so fast to order, and THANK YOU for the items! I told my husband that I redeemed stuff off savings catcher and would open it and put it away later and he was satisfied. :) Obviously I will "put it away" in the storage unit until Monday, then off to the new place it will go! ;)
After all is said and done I will be taking a pic of everything together!
The bathroom shelves came, and so did the coffee maker, and I got my key early! Thank you all so much ❤️
DELIVERY UPDATE TWO: SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 15:
Thank you again everyone! Today we received my daughter's comforter set from Walmart, my full sheet set from Amazon, her body pillow from Amazon, the toaster from Amazon, and the pasta sauce from Amazon. :) Oh, also the cups from Amazon! thank you all so much!! I'm waiting to post a pic of everything together once it all is here. My daughter is already overwhelmed, in a good way! As am I. Thank you all again! <3
DELIVERY UPDATE THREE: MONDAY SEPTEMBER 16:
Today the Walmart order with the broom and dustpan set and q-tips arrived, along with all the Walmart gift cards (except the last one from yesterday)! Thank you all so very very much! I'm going to take my daughter shopping with me for essentials after everything else that was ordered arrives. :) UPS has not been here yet today, so any Amazon orders that people expected to see arrive today just haven't gotten here yet. :)
MINI-UPDATE: MONDAY EVENING:
This evening we received the dried cranberries and unsalted peanuts that my kiddo and I like for snacks <3 <3 thank you!! She loves the cranberries in particular and was pleasantly surprised to see them!! And also her MATTRESS came!! Thank you so much, both EVERYONE, for working together to help get us starting out on such a positive note!!
DELIVERY UPDATE FOUR: TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 17:
I haven't received deliveries yet today but just wanted to mention that the very first thing to be marked as purchased was the full size mattress on walmart.com, and it has not arrived. Whomever was so kind and generous as to purchase it, could you please reach out to me here or in DM and let me know if I was supposed to be picking it up myself? Two people had contacted me for my name and zip code so they could put them down for me to do a pickup, and at least one of those people changed it to delivery and those items already arrived days ago. So I had thought that the full mattress should have by now as well. And if someone accidentally clicked the "purchased" button and didn't know how to unclick it, but really didn't buy it, could you let me know please so that I can use the gift cards to buy a mattress? I totally understand how that could happen and really wouldn't be at all frustrated, but just would like to know so I can spend the gift cards on the most important items first. Thank you so much!!
EDIT: FEDEX DELIVERY FOR TUESDAY:
Thank you all so much, and a note to myself that carrying 35 pounds of cat litter up 36 steps us quite a workout, and doing it three times is an excuse to have a slice of leftover pizza when I'm done! Wow! LOL! To the people who, combined, sent the kitchen trash can, hamper, shampoo and mousse and soap and face wash and conditioner, dish cleaner, vacuum cleaner, juices, sugar free Kool aid mix, hot chocolate mix, Mrs Butterworth's syrup, ketchup, mustard, ranch dressing, pasta, oatmeal, body pillow case for my daughter, saltines, and the final gift card, they arrived safely! I may have accidentally left something out, but I think that's today's entire Fed ex delivery. To say I'm utterly gobsmacked and overwhelmed by everyone's kindness seems such a pitifully small thanks for such huge generosity, but I don't know what else to say but thank you. <3
DELIVERY UPDATE FIVE: WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 -
So sorry I didn't post this yesterday, I got caught up running errands and chauffering my kiddo around etc. Yesterday I received the full mattress (but to my old address, whoops! I didn't have it sorted properly when I first posted my walmart registry online here, and I guess changing my address an hour later wasn't soon enough to catch the first batches of stuff from being delivered there, my mistake!!)! And also my daughter's sheets, a bathroom utility rack, set of towels, lovely soft bathroom rug, clothing hampelaundry basket, the cat window perch that a redditor sent of their own because their cat refused to use it - thank you to both you AND your cat for that sacrifice!! I never saw such big suction cups before, lol! - And also an unexpected but extremely thoughtful and appreciated book called "Healing From Hidden Abuse". I put that right on the coffee table in the living/bedroom area and will be reading that with great interest. I just want to let you know right now that I'll be treating it like a textbook rather than like a book for entertainment, which means I'm going to be using a highlighter throughout it and putting post-its in there upside down so the note sticks out the top of the book like a folder tab, so I can easily find things I want to refer to. I want to be able to really absorb what it has to say, take it all in, and start healing. Thanks to you all so so much for these incredibly thoughtful, generous, and kindhearted gifts. <3 <3 I'm getting so anxious to post a picture of everything and make a thank you thread but I want to wait until it all arrives first.
DELIVERY UPDATE SIX: THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 19 -
No deliveries today. My friend did get a box in his name that should be from a poster here who sent me some items personally rather than from my wish list (curtains and towels). I haven't picked it up from him yet, but thank you so much for this care package!
FINAL DELIVERY STATUS STATEMENT:
So today is Friday, September 20th and it has been a week since I made my thread here. I believe everything that was really purchased has likely arrived by now, though it's still possible that the two big things that were marked purchased on the 14th are going to show up. But even if they don't, we are in a MUCH better position than we would have been in after only one week, and I am so incredibly grateful to everyone for their help and generosity and kindness. Thank you all SO MUCH. If the box spring or futon arrive then I will edit this thread one more time accordingly, but otherwise this concludes my request thread and the next time you hear from me will be later today, hopefully, in the form of a thank you thread with photos. :)
You are all changing my tendency towards pessimism and cynicism a little bit every day. It's a struggle, not gonna lie. It's been a lifetime of getting used to having to be skeptical about promises and of looking for strings attached to things and wondering what the hidden trade-off to every kindness done to me is going to be. It's hard for me to absorb and believe that this is all just people wishing the best for me. My friend very accurately remarked the other day "those people treat you better than people I've known my whole life treat me," and all I could say was "I know, me too, it's crazy, right? It's hard for me to believe but I'm so grateful now that all the kindness in my whole life is being done to me at once, when I need it the most" and that's so true. <3 <3
I can't wait to update with pics when all is said and done! You lovely humans have done an outstanding thing and we will never forget it. Much love to you all. <3
submitted by _Mulva_